皆さんはコメントやメイルでの一対一のやりとりをどのように終らせますか？
私は長くこういったことを続けてきた結果、以下のような指針を使うようになってきています。
- 余所の blog や掲示板へのコメントは「書きっぱなし」の覚悟で。
(返事を気にしすぎるのは辛い^^;。メイル通知のあるところでは安心です。)
自分からの質問を含むコメントの場合は、そこをしばらくはマークします…。返事は過度には期待しません。 - 自分の blog へのコメントがあった場合、できるだけ何か付け加えて言える事を探して、お返事。
お礼/報告系/同意の旨の感想に対しては返事を付けないことが多い。 - 非公開の一対一のやりとり(メイルなど)の場合、暇な時にはある程度会話的に話が続くが、互いの疲れを感じたら、質問以外の部分には答えないようにして収束させる(もちろん相手の疲れを常に察知できるはずもなく、ほとんどは事実上「自分が疲れを感じたら」だろう^^;)。
ちなみに、トラックバックに対しても、それについて反論/補足などがない限りは、大抵そのままにしてます。「トラックバックありがとうございました」とだけ書きに行くことはないです(もちろんありがたいと思っています)。これは、私自身がそういったメッセージを(特には)欲しいと思わないからです。一言でも補足なり何か必要と思った時は、相手先にコメントするか自分の記事に追記します。別記事を書く事もあるかもしれませんが、今は「記事」の価値を重視するやり方に切り替えたので、可能性は低いです。これは相手に対して失礼と思う気持ちとのジレンマもありますが。木村剛さんのゴーログはその点本当にうまいですね～。
上記は、私の情報重視という価値観から来るものであり、儀礼的にはお礼だけであっても表明したほうがいいだろうなぁ、とは思います。ML のようにメッセージが参加者全員に強制的に届くツールでは、お礼だけのメッセージは煙たがられていますが、blog の場合はそれとは状況が違いますもんね。私は ML 文化を引きずっているともいえます。
ただ、もう一つの理由として、儀礼的な会話が続くのは私だけでなく相手にとっても苦痛であるだろうとも思います。もちろん話題が広がる/遷移していくことを言っているわけではありません。むりやりひねり出した応答が続くようなケースです。そのようなケースでは会話をうまく終わらせることこそ儀礼的であると言えるのではないでしょうか。
なんて書きつつ、いつも「無視されたと思われてないかなぁ」なんて気にしている小心者なんですが^^;。
皆さんはどのようなポリシーでしょうか？リアルの会話ではどうでしょうか？
元々、対話は労力がかかります。文章での対話だとなおさら。いろんな所を見て気にかける人が増えてくると、特定の人にかけられる労力がどうしても減ってしまうので、自分のところにいつもコメントを付けてくれていたあの人が最近はコメント付けてくれないなぁ、なんてことは日常的に起こりますね。これはコメントに限定せず、単に「連絡」と言っても同じことです。
いつも自分の活動を見ている人であっても普通はコメントを付ける(声をかける)という行為に飽きてくるものと考えます(他の関心事との兼ね合いの話です)。少なくとも同じ人だけにコメントを付け続ける人はいません(興味は拡大/変化するものだから)。懇意にしていたサイトには、儀礼的にたまには何か言わないと悪いという気になってしまうことも、苦痛の元になるはず。そうすると、(対象を限定して言及可能という意味での)身元が割れる立場でコメントを付ける事には抵抗がある人もいるかもしれません。繋がってしまうという抵抗が。
もしこれが全体に適用可能な論だとしたら、もったいないことだと思います。本当は、抵抗なく感想を書いていただいたほうがみんな嬉しいはずです。
どうすればいいのでしょう？
そのような事を考えた末、出てきた答えの一つが冒頭のポリシーであったりします。男性的である、とは思いますけれど^^;。
しかし、おそらく私だけがそんなポリシーだと言ったところで、儀礼的な返事を要求する人は絶対に存在します。
特に儀礼的なコメントをまめにしている人/会話自体が楽しいというタイプの人からみれば、腹立たしいということもあると思います。はい、正直、すみません_o_。心の中ではいつも感謝感謝です。
あと、「返事」ではなく、自分の言説に対してコメントを欲しいという立場で意識することは、こちらで書いたのですが、基本的に自分の魅力不足と捉えて精進するのが吉であると思っています。まぁ、私の所がコメントが多いかどうかは何ともいえないですが、私が儀礼的コメントをあまり書かないことは客観的に見て、コメント率を減らしているだろうなぁ、とは思います^^;。真意としては、儀礼にこだわらず、気楽に書き捨てていただいて構いませんです、という立場のつもりなわけです。
全てに対して何らかの応答をする方は素晴らしいと思っています。私はあくまで立場として、それが逆に、感想を書き辛くさせる可能性があることと、自分の労力との兼ね合いでこのようにしているというだけです。
もう一つ、「批判的コメント」の受け取られ方についても触れたいのですが、これは別の記事で書こうと思います。
参考：
muse-A-muse：儀礼的無関心と「ウザイ」の幼稚性
批判の受け取られ方について触れられています。別記事で再度トラックバック予定です。
it1127の日記 : ■思いのままに33
コメント数の増減に関して。
Web では共感を探しているのであってコミュニケーションを探しているのではない
コメントを付ける人の絶対数が少ないことは必然。
なるほどー。了解！
感覚的には、実社会と一緒ですね。
wet[内容用件よりも会話そのもの、言い方とか儀礼とかを重視]/dry[内容用件重視]に、人間は二分される。
そして、面識が浅いうちは、会話の内容よりも儀礼に気を遣う。
まぁ、互いの親密度、性格[コメントポリシー]がコメントに影響しているわけですね。
要するに、相手のポリシーをよく理解していれば、必要以上に自分の感情に振り回されずに済むってことだよね。
よし、ぼくも後で自分のコメントに対するポリシーを纏めてみようっと。
「二分される」の部分、まさしくつぎに書こうと思っている「批判に対する反応」のテーマにも絡みますね～。
また、「親密度」の部分も重要なのですが当記事ではあまり触れないで書いちゃってますね_o_。
互いの思っている親密度、及び親密の定義が違うことが儀礼に絡む問題の発生源なわけですが…。
そですね。トラックバックについてもそうですが、やはり各自のポリシーを明記することは効果がある、というかしたほうがよい気もしますね。今まであまり必要ないと思っていましたが…。
う～ん・・にゃるほどぉ...
でも、ちょっと補足・・っていうか弁明します
まず、コメント応答の事例の直接的原因となったのは下記のサイトでのやりとりです
http://miyakoda.jugem.cc/
（以下子供のような感情になってしまって恥ずかしいのですが・・）
まず、この人はぼくがコメントをあげたそのしばらく後にけっこう長い話を書き、その後ほかのコメントには答える余裕を見せていたので・・
それをみて、「あ・こたえる気がないのだな」、とは思ったのですが..
それまでにもいろいろフラストレーションが溜まっていたことがあったので、ちょっと吐き出してみました（子供っぽいですが..(^^;)）
まず、それ以前の事情としてぼくはＣ－ＮＥＴってところにけっこうコメントとかtrackhackとか送っていたのですが、いずれも逃げるような態度しか見せないことがあって・・
http://morutan.blogtribe.org/entry-b733677cd183e71358320cf68c378ab8.html
http://morutan.blogtribe.org/entry-31054abd6b98e1aa8bf5af38fd7d7fd4.html
その内容は、それなりの批判的妥当性を含むものだったと思うのですが..なんかいろいろな事情で..
で、思うのは
あそこの場合はそれなりに公共的メディアなのだからウソはいかんのじゃないか、ということで..
で、そういう不満がたまっていたところでこんな感じだったので
でも考えてみると今回の場合は個人サイトが相手なので公共的な理由はないんですよね..
・・・・反省点ですね
やっぱ個人間の応答は「返事が来なくて当然」ぐらいな心持のほうがいいのかもしれませんね..
(期待しすぎました)
うーむ。批判に対する対応に関しての見解は後の記事で書く予定ですが、基本的には誠実に対応すべき、と私は思っていますよん。
それで、m_um_u さんの場合、前者はいささかせっかちだったのではないかと思います^^;。回答を求める類いのコメントというより、紹介(フォロー) or 感想的に見えましたので、「感想はありがたく頂戴いたしました」というスタンスの場合もありますし。実際には、その後コメントされていますもんね。私はメイルなどの返事については返事しようという意思があったとしても 1,2日では返事が来ないということはざらであるという認識です。
後者については、詳しくは見れていないのですが、やはり、回答を求めている文章なのか否か？が一つの焦点ではないかと思います。本当にぱっと見の印象ですが_o_(敢えて精査しなかった)、どの部分に反応すれば良いか解りにくい、という印象を持たれるかもしれません。
あと、たとえ明確に質問/懸念系で書いたとしても、伝達方式によって反応への要求度に差が出る、ということも考えられます。トラックバックという手段は当記事の自分の指針でもろに現れていますが、コメントと比較して相手への要求度が低くなると思っています。この辺は以前、こんな記事を書いたことがあります(ネタ的文書ではありますが^^;)。
http://shin.txt-nifty.com/philosophical/2004/01/post_47.html
(重要度における重み付け、ですね)
そして、後一つ、有名人(と言うと若干語弊がありますが)ほど反応される確率が低い、というのは儀礼とは無関係に仕方ない面はあると思います。フィードバックがあまりに多すぎて、或いは、本当にごくごく片手間でしか blog をしていなくて、とても全てのフィードバックに応えられない状況ですね。宇多田ヒカルにメイルを出して返事が来なかったからといって、礼儀のなってない奴だ、とは通常ならないですし^^;。
ただ、有名人と勘違いしている人がいるのも確かではあります。私は偉いんだから私のことを貶す下々の雑音に反応する必要はないんだ、と思い込んでいる人。質が悪いですが、そういう人もいるもの、と考えるほかないようです…。
後者の件についてはもう少し言えることがあるのですが、オフトピックになりますのであとでコメントを付けに行こうかと思います。：）
＞有名人(と言うと若干語弊がありますが)ほど反応される確率が低い、というのは儀礼とは無関係に仕方ない面はあると思います。
と書いたわけですが、この記事ではほんの一文しか触れていなかったのに、木村剛さん、反応されました^^;。トラックバックは送ってなかったと思うんだけど…もしかして送ってたかいな？^^;
# ココログ内でのトラックバック ping URL って全部 http://app.cocolog-nifty.com/t/trackback/XXXX になっちゃうので、どこに送ったかの確認が難しいの…。
木村剛さんは FeedBack 使いか？とか思っちゃったい^^;。
参考：http://naoya.dyndns.org/feedback/app/search?keyword=%CC%DA%C2%BC%B9%E4
http://kimuratakeshi.cocolog-nifty.com/blog/2004/04/post_7.html
ちゅうか、素直に面白いです、文章も人柄もノリも。フレンドリー/著名なだけではないところが人気の秘結ですね。
# 取り上げてという意味ではなく^^;。
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